Solo Adventure

One of my New Years resolutions this year was to travel more. I made it a priority,and stuck to my guns, which can prove difficult with resolutions,more often than not we can fall short on some of them.Reflecting on the year and this particular resolution, has given me renewed energy, making me see I do have sticking power when I put my mind to it.

Every year I go away on an exquisite trip with my BFF holiday buddy.This year was going to be no different,except we were upping the stakes location wise. The Caribbean being our quest. We were very excited about the prospect!Our beady eyes were on the prize! Unfortunately my super pal and holibop companion had to pull out, and our Caribbean dreams were put on ice.I was gutted.

What was I going to do??SHITBALLS!! Planning was not my forte,P had such talent for researching and picking the best spots.Me? I usually floated in shouting YAS!,TAKE MY FARTHINGS,I SHALL GO! Having a companion to share in an adventure, a great friend who gets me,no drama,just laughs, is such a luxury and not something not to be taken for granted. I couldn’t let myself hold me back from an opportunity to try something new.

I had attempted a solo holiday venture two years previous. A damp squib affair. Guernsey, off-season, inclement weather, near drowning experience,failed pamper day, awkward drinks with the German barkeep. Not my best work. I missed sharing my holiday experience with a friend. The thoughts of this type of holiday again was bumming me out majorly.

When my brilliant sister suggested I use a tour group to discover some far-flung location, it terrified me. I mean, could I?, me?,do that? I sweated thinking about the possibility.  Lots of people do this, it’s not that big of a deal…I knew I was holding myself back, and for what? I didn’t want to give up and not go away. Before I had the time to over think it and back out, I pushed the button and booked a trip . SHITIDYFUCKFUCK! You see as a kid I was painfully shy, that little girl still lives inside me. Especially when I am outside my comfort zone, this trip was just that.

Since making a decision to actively change my mindset, I understood that I had to stop that little girl inside, and those feelings, overtaking this wonderful opportunity I was giving myself. The fact I am at a point in my life where, I am not tied to anything, means it’s the perfect time to go and celebrate that fact. Solo trip take 2 here I come. 16 days across Guatemala, Belize and Mexico. I leave on Tuesday.

Heres to overcoming fears, trusting in oneself, exploring this world, meeting new people, making connections and living a little more boldly. Lets not be the obstacle in our way to a better life/experience. If we can look at things with new perspective, not putting ourselves in a box, we can cut new and different paths to goals we truly want to achieve.

A quote I read last week, is helping calm my nerves some, ‘Don’t try to be perfect, instead make it interesting.’ I love it! Bon Voyage kids, looking forward to sharing my experience upon my return 😊IMG_6176

Going back to my Roots

My oldest friend’s mother passed away recently. She is the first in my group of friends to have lost a parent. At the funeral, although it was very sad, all her siblings shared very touching words in her memory. They were so intimate, warm and loving, and celebrated each part of her life. Although I have fond memories of her wonderful Mum; it was very special to witness and hear about her life.

I am lucky to have both my parents still with me. It struck me that perhaps I don’t know a huge deal about their lives before all of us arrived; me, my sister and brother. My own Mum is going into hospital for an operation shortly, it has got me thinking about her, as a person. I feel I have not appreciated that recently, let’s be fair probably not for a while. I have taken for granted my special Mum. Grown impatient, and sometimes reacted unkindly.  I am a good daughter I know that, and I am hard on myself, but I want to be better.

Part of learning how to love yourself is understanding your roots and appreciating where you came from also. Your parents are part of you, they made you. Some of the traits I love about myself were learned from them, along with the ones I may not be so fond of, but am learning to accept.

I am dedicating some time and positive energy into being more understanding and caring, especially with my Mum. She is a special person. When I see how she fought and turned things around for herself and us, much later in her life, it inspires me.  She stayed home to take care of us growing up. When we were old enough, she went out into the work force. She tried her hand a Waitressing, which didn’t work out. She ended up getting a job in the local kindergarten.  This is where everything started. She made the decision to go back to college at night, completing her Degree in Fine Art, going on to do her H Dip and began teaching Art at Second Level. Although Mum could be a shy, anxious person, her confidence grew as a teacher and soon she feel in love with teaching, and her students loved her. I know this from the endless cards and gifts they bestowed upon her year in year out.

This is where I get my determination from, she has taught me not to be scared to try things on my own, or make new connections with like-minded people at any point in life.  She has taught me it is important to have your own interests and to pursue the things that make you happy in order to be true to yourself. My Dad has always supported her in this. These lessons are invaluable to me.

Now she is retired. It’s a new chapter of her/their life, and I need to remember that.  She is just a girl inside too, she has to find her way again, and I have to treat her with kindness and support at this time in her life, both her and my Dad.  They have supported me though my life, now it’s my turn to start repaying the favour and not be inpatient or unkind. It’s a chance to get to know them more, and I look forward to doing that.

It’s one thing to say you are grateful, this time I want to feel actually take time to feel it. I will spend time with these two wonderful people who I love dearly, enjoy their spirit and energy fully, learning and growing from them with new valour and fresh eyes, a new perspective.

Setting a Challenge

Something I have learned to understand and acknowledge about myself over the past few years is; being active in any form and enjoying the outdoors is an inherent part of my personality. It is essential to my inner peace and happiness.

Growing up on the grounds of a school, there was so much green space on our doorstep, and it was all of ours!  We spent the majority of our childhood outdoors, rambling through woods, climbing trees, making tree houses/hang out spots, down by the river, running barefoot.  I played a large amount of sport from the ages of 7-18,but once I left School it dropped off. I lost this part of myself in my mid 20’s, and I was unhappy.

These last 6 years I have fully reclaimed that back. I know I am at my best when I move. If I stay indoors an entire weekend,my soul winces, I am a grumpy bitch!. Even if I manage a short pilgrimage down the road for groceries, a big sigh of contentment comes over me. I have been oudoors, rejoice!

I am at my current gym about 2 years now. I have never taken on a specific challenge. I show up, work through the programmes and have been content with that, I love it. Recently a large number of the members have taken up 12 week challenges, but I didn’t sign up. Every morning I go, I see them pushing themselves, reaching new goals and targets, there is such a buzz of ‘can do, will do’, smiles and energy.  I decided with my new mindset change, that I too wanted to challenge myself and train for a specific goal. I chose fitness as the first area to challenge myself in, as it’s one of the parts of my life I feel most comfortable in.  I figured it was a good place to start, as it’s something I enjoy. I had always shied away from setting a goal at the gym. I guess because I carried this belief around that I wasn’t good enough to not fail, and didn’t want to risk the possibility of doing just that. This is where I need to work and change that pattern of thought.

I am committing to a tactical strength challenge. I spoke with my coaches and my new training program has now started. The challenge consists of max kettlebell snatches in 5 minutes, max deadlift and max pull ups. I am just over 2 weeks in, and I am really enjoying it, that focus is energising. My paws are a bit torn up, but I am determined to do this.  I have already had some old thought patterns come up, on one of the days when training didn’t go so well, these are the opportunities I need to take to change and push myself to leave that negative voice behind, springing forward with the focus and energy of a champ.  I look forward to betting on myself, and doing this with confidence and inner strength. It’s my first challenge and I’m ready !

Sunday morning practice 🙂


Appreciate all that you do

So! Finished my first self-help book. ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ by Louise L. Hay. It has lead me through steps to start making a change. I read one chapter a night, and worked through the exercises. I’ll admit it was quite the emotional roller coaster, overwhelming at times, but it guided me. Now the real work begins, I’ve got to put it to practice. Bites finger nails, what do I do now?!

Perhaps I shall gather more self-help books, it puts the self-help book in the bucket. This is not the answer. It has piqued interest to delve further and learn more about mind set, and positive change. Which I am taking as a positive. Tick.

One of the ideas I have been working on since finishing the book is ‘Appreciate all that you do.’ A simple concept. It can change a path of thinking, creating a positive outlook on where you are, at present. A way to appreciate the right now. Begin looking at yourself though a place of love and acceptance, and stop beating yourself up about the things you have not done or achieved yet.

Already I feel the benefits, a lightness in heart and spirit has crept in.  I had not been giving myself credit for the good things that I do for myself already. What I am going to do now, is focus a little more on these elements and try to expand and nourish them further. Fluff the feathers for a more harmonious relationship with myself.

As a start, I looked back at my life and acknowledged something larger I had done to change, and then something smaller that I currently do. I also decided to add something new to my daily routine that made me feel a little more joyful, gaining positive energy to keep moving forward.

My larger thing. Two years ago I had reached 10 years at my job. I organized a meeting with my boss, and asked for recognition of this milestone. What he asked for in return for my request, hit a nerve.  He asked that I be more approachable in the workplace, and shared how he found it difficult to ask me about tricky tasks or queries. I took it on the chin, it was true. I was a very stressed lady in the office, I would become overwhelmed, defensive and prickly. It needed to change, for my own well-being. I took up Yoga, I go on my lunch break every day now.  Two years on,and it has changed my work environment completely, I am a better colleague, and my colleagues are better to me. From a girl who put herself the ‘I’m not a Yoga person’ box, I now work in a far more harmonious office environment, all because I changed and did something positive about the feedback I got.

My smaller thing. I get up a 5am 4 days a week. I am not a morning person. I am very, very slow in the morning. I need an hour. I can’t take coffee this early. I learnt a type of massage on a women’s health retreat I went on about a year ago. I call it ‘punch massage’. I don’t know the real name. I like my name. I basically do little punches up and down my body to get blood and lymph flow moving. It works a treat and wakes me up nicely. I usually spread the word about it too, not many warm to it. It works for me though, and it makes me smile that I do it. WIN.

New thing. I studied Make-Up for TV, Film and Theatre in my early 20’s. I love eyeshadow. I have sooo much make-up. I decided each week I am going to wear a different colour shadow. Makes me smile.

Give it a try, bask in the positive glow of  your own doing. You’ll be surprised how well it works. Give yourself some credit, recognize what  you do and bring a little joy into your heart, go forward with that energy.


A Decision to Change

I’m that girl with the disasterous love life. Yup! Heeey, that’s me, Queens wave. My 30’s to date, has been an absolute soap opera of dating mayhem. I had actually begun to grow fond of turning these disasters into funny antidotes, giving each lead male an endearing nick name, taking glee in regaling them. My love life was a mess, seemingly attracting more and more drama as the years went by. These funny tales being a way of coping with the highs and lows.

This last romantic interlude, and events that unfolded therein, pushed me to get….MAD, like super crazy pissed off rage mad, with….MYSELF. It was the straw that finally broke this little camels back. I mean, WTF was I doing? What HAVE I been doing with my life?? The penny was dropping. I had unwittingly spent, so much of my time focusing on boys/a boy/men, using it as a distraction tactic. Distracting myself from looking in the mirror. I am the one I have been waiting for! I am the one who hasn’t been listening, or seen myself. How could I let this go on for so long? This made me sad.

Queue me scrabbling around, hunting that self-help book down. There it was, quietly waiting for me, on my bedside locker, underneath the pile of books I hadn’t gotten around to reading yet. I CAN HEAL MY LIFE!I know this sounds lame, but BALLS I’m healing this shit up. Pass me the Bio Oil, I want no scars either! Hell yes, that’s right, I am committed to this, I am committing to myself.  I am betting on me for a change. Numero Uno.

How does this even start? Well I wont lie. I looked for help. I asked friends, people I trust and spoke from the heart. I took a look around and said FUCK! Things just have to change. That’s it. I used work sheets, got busy writing down far off dreams, and things I had always wanted to do. What came through? Something small, but evident. I LOVE writing emails to the people in my life who I connect with. What do I do with that? When I looked back, I saw, hey girl, you write all the time. I have notebooks filled with scrawlings. It’s how I work through things, it seems.

I have decided I need to challenge myself, get out of my comfort zone and trust in the process. I have been floating for far too long. I want to succeed and be the maker of my own destiny. I know that what I am going through, is what many out there are too. I hope through my writing, stories and experiences of how I muddle through this challenge, to turn the ship around, I might inspire others to do the same.

Stop living like we are not enough, and start believing we are. Let’s not waste anymore time, and get busy living the way we really want to.

My blog is to help me stay focused and keep me moving forward with making positive change.

I have some fun challenges and things coming up on the horizon that I will be sharing here.