One of the hardest things about making a change in your life can be coming up against negative remarks/opinions voiced by people close to you and/or your family. Occurring at the start or at any point along the path in your journey to change. Learning how to deal with them is tricky, difficult and emotional to say the least! I have learned this month how to turn those negatives around into a strong positive, and I hope to take this new perspective and attitude with me across into all areas of my life.
Here’s the thing…. sometimes we are unable to ask ourselves the difficult questions, we get caught up in our routine of change, going at it hell for leather. It’s hard to see what this looks like from the outside. We have our eyes on the prize, but we might be missing the point or lose sight of our ‘why’. By ‘why’, I mean our root reasons for making a change. These can get lost along the way, and I feel it’s one of the reasons we don’t/can’t follow through.
This month I received, what I perceived as negative feed back to a part of my life I love, invest time in, and get so much benefit from. My initial response being very defensive, upset and angry. Where was my fucking support?, ringing through my head. I began to shut down, questioning my why, being mad I had to justify myself to them. Then I stopped. It’s so tiring being in that state. Instead I slowed it down, and had a frank honest conversation. I communicated rather than snap react/shut down.
What came from that conversation was endlessly positive. People often attack what they don’t understand, they don’t have the true full story. Three things happened from that conversation;
1. For the first time in a long time I heard my ‘why’ out loud, never really being a solid thing in my head. To be honest some of my why had changed and switched up, what came up and out of my mouth only bolstered and affirmed the changes I have been making are good, and that my feet are on the right track. I was actually shocked, surprised and delighted all in one breath.
2. I examined my reactions to this persons life, in areas I didn’t understand. I decided to listen more, investigate and be curious about their why. A feeling of great support and understanding arose between the two of us. With family especially it can be so hard not to jump to a conclusion, hold onto a negative feeling and turn that into a story in our heads. We can forget how our reaction/response can affect others along with ourselves. All this brought on an openness, willingness to listen more, be kinder and more respectful each others journeys.
3. There was some truth to the observation, and I have taken that on board. I am moving forward with an adjusted attitude and better strategy for myself. It was something I probably would have swept under the carpet, for as long as I could, until it blew up in my face. For that I was grateful.
There you have it, I managed to turn what I could have held onto as a negative, wallowing about in a story of non support, into this sparkly awesome positive, which has helped me get closer to my vision of changes.
Next time you come up against something similar in your life, try taking a step back from the emotion and flip it into a super charged positive! Always remember we are capable of changing our initial reactions/responses. If you don’t understand something, go connect, interact and have a conversation; you never know what magic might come from it! Here’s to discovering new ways, learning skills and building up our positive view on who we are and where we want to go and be right now.