It’s been a little over a month on the road now. Finding words and searching for what I want to say has been difficult. My voice a little quiet amidst the ever changing dynamic, feeling a little disconnected, yet wanting to share.
I have been holding myself back at the start line, I’ve written about about doing this before, and with change it is something that comes up again and again in our lives. Avoiding the uncomfortableness of beginning a process. Paralysed by mind chatter, yet knowing once we make a start, things are never as bad as the story we created around it to be. We can cope, we can move, we are beyond capable of starting.
Isn’t it funny how we can lose our step, go off road in order to avoid a perceived uneven surface. Fear creating a mirage ahead, we lose trust in our footing, all of a sudden a chasm appears, we become frozen. Confusion, frustration, we shrink, forget ourselves.
I’ve been reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. Its a book about writing, and it talks about the first draft. How not to judge your first draft. First drafts suck, this goes for everything. Starting off, your first step may feel like you are on uneven terrain and very unsteady, let your front foot land, trust you can regain your balance and move forward. The road ahead begins to open up and your path is visible again, there is a route, paso y paso.
Letting go of judgement, allowing the fear to come, trusting your feet, they know the way forward. If you stumble, you get back up, from a stronger stance, open the gates and let the insecurities flood out, making space for the good stuff to rush in and push you ahead.
The same can be said for travel, it takes time to find your feet, building trust in your choices and the paths you chose to explore, people you chose to spend time with. And with anything we do, its up to us whether we decide to live in our moment, or step outside our experience and judge it against someone else’s. To be in your own experience, vibrating your energy and really feeling your journey. Allowing for the shaky steps, not staying on the shore watching others experience their paths. Trust yourself and live yours.
Direct your energies back to your own experience. Find joy in the unsure uncertain steps, appreciating the times when the road is smooth and the going is good. Allow yourself to experience your life, judging and comparison holds us back from that, narrowing the opportunity and space to see how lucky we are to be here and now, experiencing this life with each step we take.
Doing that keeps us buoyant and creates good energy, which attracts more good energy and helps us connect with our community rather that stand on the outside wishing we were living. Live your experience and the rest will follow. Be in it.