‘Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life’ – Jerzy Gregorek. This June, I finished up in my job, after 14 years service to the company. A hard month emotionally, because not only was I leaving my job, I was leaving my life in Dublin too. By nature I go at a slow pace, albeit a splash and go girl when it comes to smaller, enjoyable choices. For me, making big decisions comes in fits and bursts of toe dipping. A little further each time, wading to the knee, extended periods of lolling in the adjustment, in between phases, dragging fingers through the waters of indecision. It has taken me approx two years to get to the jump off point, the big splash into my unknown.
A bitter sweet decision, having built a lovely life for myself, I was choosing to saying goodbye to something I was proud of creating. Farewell to my communities; family, friends, yoga, gym, colleagues, connections made. I have lived in Dublin all of my life. It was a big deal for me to leave, even if I wasn’t going too far away. It’s all I’ve ever really known.
It’s scary to give up something, especially when so much of it was good. Underneath all that goodness though, I had buried deep an unfulfilled void in relation to my work/career per say. The noise of which seemed to get only louder and louder, until finally, I had to listen, and do something about it. I am grateful for what those 14 years has given me, it has shown me; I know how to make a happy life, I understand myself, I know the things I need to cope, and how to surround myself with a wonderfully vibrant support system of people, activities and fun. Being there allowed me the space to learn that. It’s where I grew up.
Big changes tend to unsettle the air and kick up dust. Lots of things whir around in the whirlwind of an impending change. The universe seems to throw you curve balls, change is never plain sailing. Dealing with unexpected reactions, situations that really test your strength, is the stuff that fuels doubt. All of those obstacles are there to show you, to help you learn, and solidify why the change is in fact necessary. In letting go of something old, sometimes you lose connections, but you gain clarity in doing so. In the end we are all only trying to do our best with what we have. Having the kindness to allow emotions be felt, and not add them as a burden on your path, is paramount.
I had to go. I had spent 14 years being stuck and comfortable, never quite being able to muster the strength, or courage to figure out a different way. Often we box ourselves off by the overwhelming large picture, it creates a blindness and inertia that stops us seeing possibilities, or being open to a different way, without having every detail planned out. The more you communicate with your circle, listen to your intuition, break up with old habits, the easier it becomes to let in the light of opportunity, and begin to re-frame your situation, breath energy and power into action. These are all the little lessons I have been learning through my blogging, that have given me the courage to keep going, keep trying, and see another way. I always say start in an area of your life you enjoy, challenge yourself there, make changes there first, transfer those skills to the places that your find harder to move on.
I decided I wanted to mark, celebrate, signify and draw a line under my Dublin life in a truly personal, positive way. I choose to cycle the 166 km to my new life; marking the end of a chapter and sailing into a new one. I knew it was going to be tough, whatever way I cut it, I expected that. This journey was my pilgrimage to a new start. I chose a route so scenic, that throughout the physical struggle and effort, I had only to look around me, take in the beautiful countryside, wildlife and wondrous nature, to be thankful for this time. To remind myself, I didn’t need to rush, I had all day, and this day was for me. To take it in and be grateful for the opportunity I had given myself to be in the moment. It harked back to my childhood, spoke to my heart, and assured it I was listening, and that I did care. It was nature, wildlife, outdoor activity, at my own pace, all the things that bring me joy and make me who I am today.
I am currently working on re-birthing, settling, rejuvenating and regenerating good energies. I am being happy in my now, and relishing the freedom that I have worked hard to find, so I can move forward.
Are there any changes you crave to make? Anything is possible once you put your mind to it, and allow the time and space for it to come to being. I am resting with these two quotes at the moment;
‘Heal yourself, love yourself, know yourself – These phrases are becoming more and more common, why? Because they are the pathways to our own freedom and happiness.’ – Yung Pueblo
‘Part of self-acceptance is releasing other peoples opinions. We are meant to be different. When we can accept this, there is no competition and no comparison.’ – Louise L Hay
Wishing you all joy, love, light, energy and courage on your own journeys . Paint wildly and freely, friends.